Monday, December 30, 2013

Baby #4, Week 13


How far along: 13 weeks
Baby is the size of: a peapod, about 3 inches long!
Gender Prediction: Boy!
Total Weight Gain: 8 pounds (I thought it'd be more with the holidays!)
Starting to show yet?: Yes! Finally!
Maternity clothes: Yes! Finally! I am SO much more comfortable!
Stretch marks: Just a lot of old ones.
Belly button in or out: In
Sleep: It depends. We moved our bedroom upstairs and it's taking a few nights for me to get use to. I've also been getting hot flashes at night. I woke up this morning covered in sweat.
Movement: Not yet.
Best moment this week: Christmas and seeing all of my in-laws that traveled from Florida and Texas!
Worst moment this week: All of the sickness being passed around by the family. It's been bad.
Miss anything: Working out, NOT being sick, and smaller boobs.
Wedding rings on or off?: On
Cravings: Pasta in any form.
Aversions: Raw chicken.
Appetite: Normal
Queasy or sick: Queasy off and on. My morning sickness only comes once in a while now. THANK GOODNESS!!!!
Workouts: Non-existent with all of the family in town and all of the sickness going around. I have to be home to tend my sick girls. Plus Charles was sick, so I had to tend to him, too. No real free time for me to leave my house this past week.
Emotionally: Doing MUCH better since my prenatal appointment last week. I feel like I better understand my emotions and where they are coming from. I am finally celebrating my pregnancy, wearing maternity clothes, and NOT sucking in my belly anymore! (I did that for fear that someone would tell me I look "fat" or "larger" than someone should look at only 12/13 weeks pregnant.) I don't cry as much or as often as I did the first few weeks. I feel like I am getting a better hold on my emotions!
Physically: Still a little bloating, but I feel so much better than the early weeks! I am itching to move my body. I haven't hardly worked out in the past six weeks and I can tell. Maybe I'm just being a bit vain, but I can tell that I've gained weight. And I wonder what other people would say/think about my weight gain. Yes, it probably seems silly because I am pregnant, but I don't want to use that as a crutch to not workout and eat what I want. It's the morning sickness, flu, and everything else that has hit my family that has kept me from working out. But I can feel the weight. In my face, arms, butt, thighs, etc. I feel it all the time. Since my lowest weight right before the marathon, I've gained almost 20 pounds. I weighed myself the day I found out I was pregnant (the morning of, I took the test later that evening), and that's what I've been going by for my total weight gain. Mind you, I stopped running almost completely after the marathon, and that is where I feel that I went wrong. Again, I feel vain talking about it. I know plenty of women who would give anything to be at my current weight. But I honestly never thought the transition from losing weight, to maintaining my weight, to being pregnant would be so hard on me physically and mentally. I want to NOT care what people think, but some people are so mean and critical. I am trying to focus on the fact that physically, I feel great. I am loving my body for holding this little life. I still feel strong. Even through the weight gain. I feel great. It's all in my head... which it's easier to say that I can shut off those thoughts, when really, I am having trouble shutting off those unkind thoughts towards myself. 
Looking forward to: Working out! Running! Week 14! Finding out the baby's gender (no date set for an ultrasound yet.)!

Monday, December 23, 2013

Baby #4, WEEK 12


How far along: 12 WEEKS!!!!
Baby is the size of: a lime
Gender Prediction: Boy!
Weight gain: 7 pounds total, I can tell/feel it
Starting to show yet?: I do believe so! (Finally!)
Maternity clothes: Not yet!
Stretch marks: Just a lot of old ones!
Belly button in or out: In
Sleep: I have been going through a comfortable phase in my bed! I am LOVING it! And I have found that I can only sleep in one position: laying on my left side.  
Movement: Not yet, but I know that he/she is moving around!
Best moment this week: Hearing baby's heartbeat at my 12 week appointment today! 150 bpm!
Worst moment this week: The anxiety leading up to my appointment. 
Miss anything: Working out! I have been SO busy this week with helping the girls' school, shopping, cleaning, and more. 'Tis the season!
Wedding rings on or off?: On
Cravings: Pancakes with strawberry-rhubarb jelly, Fried Eggs, Apples, Yogurt, PASTA!
Aversions: Chocolate, Peanut Butter (totally strange to me since I LOVE both of those things!)
Appetite: Normal! 
Queasy or sick: It depends on the day! If I don't get a large breakfast, I feel queasy by lunch.
Emotionally: I'm finding it hard to control my emotions at times. And I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack at least twice a day. I feel so overwhelmed all the time. Most days, all I want to do is sit on the couch, veg, and watch Neflix. But at the same time, I am so overwhelmed with the generosity of others during this time of year. My family has been blessed in SO many ways and my girls will have Christmas presents to open Christmas morning. There are a lot of things that have been going on/have happened in the past few weeks that I haven't been broadcasting on my Facebook. Those things took our complete Christmas budget. It was hard for Charles and I. We. Cried. A. Lot. But now our tears of sadness have changed into tears of joy. We are grateful. We are/have been blessed.
Physically: I feel like I finally look pregnant! I think this week my body changed a bit in the way I'm carrying the baby. Not sure why, but feel like I've "popped" more. Perhaps because this is my fourth child? I can finally feel my energy coming back! I am still exhausted most days, but I get a burst of energy at random times during the day! I make the most of them and clean! Or have dance parties with my girls! Or even alone! But afterwards, all I want to do is nap! Haha! I still have pimples on my face that are driving me insane. They just don't go away. BLAH! And they are always SUPER noticeable. I hate feeling like I'm going through puberty all over again! 
Looking forward to: The 20 week mark! Finding out what Baby Austin is! (Though I'm not sure when that ultrasound will be just yet!) Seems like everyone is voting for a little boy! I keep dreaming that it's a boy! I'm also looking forward to the gender-reveal party for my family!

Side note!
I talked to my doctor today about my stress/anxiety about this baby. And, as it turns out, given my history, everything that I am feeling is completely normal. I keep waiting for the floor to fall out from under me. I feel like if I accept this pregnancy, it will go away. If I finally wear maternity clothes, I will lose the baby. I felt like these were irrational fears. But talking to my doctor today put me at ease! These are totally normal things to feel! Sure, I have history with depression and pregnancy loss, and at times, it's hard to tell if I'm feeling depressed or if it's just normal human emotions. I haven't really celebrated this baby yet.

I have been too afraid to. I felt like if I were to celebrate him/her, he/she would go away... So after talking to my doctor and Charles, and a lot of prayer, I've decided to let my emotions go and CELEBRATE this little life growing inside of me! I already feel liberated and it's only been a few hours since my appointment!

I am so excited for this baby! I pray that God will continue to bless my body to be strong enough to carry this baby full term and deliver him/her safely! That this baby will be healthy and strong. Every single moment of this pregnancy will be celebrated! Yes, I will probably still complain every now and then... but that won't take away from the fact that I am a sacred vessel for a precious new life!

I am owning it. I am owning my pregnancy and rejoicing in it! I am happy! I am pregnant!

Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 16, 2013

Baby #4, Week 11


How far along: 11 weeks
Baby is the size of: a fig!
Gender Prediction: Boy!
Weight gain: I forgot to weigh myself this morning... 
Starting to show yet?: I'm starting to feel like this is more than just bloating, but I know the baby is still small. This is my fourth pregnancy! I think my body is relaxing a bit to prepare to carry a big baby!
Maternity clothes: Not yet, although I wore a maternity shirt the other day and I was SO much more comfortable!
Stretch marks: Just a lot of old ones!
Belly button in or out: In
Sleep: Great! Although I'll have nights where I wake up for a few hours and just think, pray, and plan.
Movement: Not yet!
Best moment this week: All three girls giving my belly kisses at night! FINALLY getting my morning all-day sickness under control!
Worst moment this week: The moments when I didn't have any sickness. I kept thinking, "Am I okay? Am I still pregnant? Is the baby okay?!" Over and over again.
Miss anything: Being able to move without hip pain.
Wedding rings on or off?: On
Cravings: Fruit Punch Jolly Ranchers, lemon yogurt
Aversions: Buffalo Chicken flavored anything, chocolate (shocking to me...)
Appetite: Much better than last week! Keeping food down is a wonderful thing! Although I'm starting to get MAJOR heartburn after I eat.
Queasy or sick: There were a few days this week when I had no morning sickness at all. I honestly thought something was wrong with me or the baby... but I got it back later on that night or by the next morning. I'm feeling better, though. I'm not as nauseous as I was before, thank goodness! I think that having the flu made me better able to handle my all-day-sickness!
Workouts: Mostly just walking and Zumba. I'm super tired, but I have energy once I get going. My hips are making it hard to run, but I'm looking forward to visiting the chiropractor next month to help out with my hips! I had to go numerous times with my other pregnancies.
Emotionally: I am still a wreck. I cry about EVERYTHING. During happy movies, sad movies, re-watching last season's Glee episodes(Finn), watching my girls do something sweet.... EVERYTHING. I think about holding my baby, breastfeeding him/her... I get overwhelmed with emotion. I am SO excited to meet this baby! Although I would prefer to meet him/her closer to the 40 week mark!
Physically: Lots of hip pain. I feel like I did with Caitlin's pregnancy. I feel like my body is having to go through all the growing pains again. It's been over 2 years since I was pregnant! I think my body went back to normal, and now we're going back through all the pains again. It hasn't been fun. I'm hoping it will be better once I go to the chiropractor. I am itching to run! I also feel like parts of my body are getting bigger. My legs, arms, love handles, face, etc. I know it's part of pregnancy, but it still sucks to see. After a major weight loss, putting some of it back on to carry a baby has been harder on me than I thought. But I rejoice that my body is carrying this baby. I can worry about my body after the baby. I'm just making sure to eat healthy and drink lots of water. 
Looking forward to: The second trimester (next week! EEK!) Feeling the baby move! Finding out the gender!

Monday, December 9, 2013

Baby #4, Week 10


How far along: 10 weeks
Baby is the size of: A kumquat! 
Gender Prediction: Boy!
Weight gain: 2 pounds, 3 pounds total
Starting to show yet?: Just bloated still! 
Maternity clothes: Not yet!
Stretch marks: Just a lot of old ones.
Belly button in or out: In
Sleep: It depends. I've been so sick this past week. I had the stomach flu that was going around. It made it hard for me to sleep. I felt so nauseous even when I was laying down.
Movement: Not yet!
Best moment this week: Zofran! Charles and I agreed on a baby name for BOTH genders! They will be a secret until Baby #4 is born! So don't ask!
Worst moment this week: The countless times I had to run to the bathroom to throw up...
Miss anything: Working out.
Wedding rings on or off?: On
Cravings: None this week.
Appetite: None. I finally got a small appetite Friday, but it comes and goes.
Queasy or sick: Both. Having all-day-sickness and the flu was NOT fun. I found that lemon yogurt helped my morning sickness and Zofran helped with the nausea from the flu.
Workouts: I attempted to go to Zumba and had to leave half way through. My stomach and intestines were killing me. (TMI: part of the flu was having diarrhea... it was awful) I barely made it home without throwing up. I hope this week will be better for me! I wasn't able to workout all last week. 
Emotionally: Not working out was/is taking a toll on me. I use it to work out stress and feel better... and when I can barely walk through my house without throwing up, I knew working out wasn't going to happen. It was hard on me emotionally. I miss my friends. I found myself feeling sorry for myself a lot this week, too. I threw a pity-party almost daily. I just didn't want to throw up again. I always cry. Every. Single. Time. And that was messing with my emotions and feelings. I just wanted to sleep and wake up when my flu was gone. I was basically an emotional wreck... which is normal because of my history with anxiety and depression. I am focusing on all that God has blessed me with. Counting my blessings has helped!
Physically: I'm exhausted. I feel dehydrated all the time. Even though I've been getting plenty of rest and liquids. Being sick hasn't been nice on my body. No one else in my house is sick... I don't know if I just got slammed with it all because I'm pregnant? Also, I am sure that my boobs have gone up another cup size... I wish they'd stop growing now!
Looking forward to: The Second Trimester. Working out again. Running again.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Baby #4, Week 9


How far along: 9 weeks
Baby is the size of: A grape!
Gender Prediction: Boy
Weight gain: 0 lbs this week, 1 lb total so far
Starting to show yet?: Still just bloated! Really bloated... I basically get no relief... So I always look like I'm showing when I'm not. I'm in that awkward, "Is she gaining weight or is she pregnant?" stage. I look larger this week than I did at the start of last week, but again, I'm just miserably bloated.
Maternity clothes: Not yet!
Stretch marks: Just a lot of old ones!
Belly button in or out: In
Sleep: Great! Even better when I workout!
Movement: Not yet! 
Best moment this week: Vivian pointing to my belly and saying, "Shhhh! Baby is sleeping!" She's such a great big sister already! She even hugs and kisses my belly/the baby! Playing air-hockey against Charles was pretty fantastic, too! That was a riot! He beat me, but barely! 
Worst moment this week: The car ride home from Iowa City. I was car sick the ENTIRE three hour ride. I puked when we got home, and didn't stop until about 10:00 that night. It. Was. AWFUL.
Miss anything: Smaller boobs... 
Wedding rings on or off?: On
Cravings: Clementines
Aversions: Hamburger/Ground Beef
Appetite: Started off with a great appetite, but since Saturday's repeat throw-up, I have had trouble eating. Everything scares me. My stomach feels awful after I eat.
Queasy or sick: Both this week. I am SO glad that I didn't throw up in the car! I hate being sick. I always cry when I throw up, so Saturday was not a pretty afternoon/night for me.
Workouts: I substitute taught Zumba on Monday(Nov. 25)! I was so exhausted before class, but once I got started, my energy came back to me and I had plenty for class! I got home and crashed on the couch! I didn't exercise the rest of the week! Yikes! I was so, so busy with packing, traveling, and the holiday! That will change this week! I'm ready to get my body moving again!
Emotionally: I have felt so overwhelmed this week. But in a good way. Overwhelmed with love and thankfulness. I got to spend time with both of my families (my side and Charles' side) and even with some amazing friends! I got to bake pies (one of my most favorite things to do!), make a cheesecake, help my Mom in her kitchen, spend time with my brother and his family, and more... my heart was/is so full of love! God is so good! Saturday and Sunday I was a bit more down. That was because of the throwing-up thing and generally feeling like crap. I just couldn't shake it off. Even today, my stomach isn't quite right.
Physically: I'm not as tired as I have been. Maybe it's the power naps I've been taking in the afternoons? My hips and lower back have been KILLING me. Moving around is fine, but if I stand wrong, oh boy... it's not the greatest feeling ever. 
Looking forward to: The second trimester! No more throwing up!