Showing posts with label Hard Choices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hard Choices. Show all posts

Monday, June 4, 2012

Carie's "Before" Photos

This is tough.

Really tough.

I've spent the better part of the last 5+ years crying over how I look.

I use to look like this at the end of High School...


Granted, I was 17/18 and I had been in Cross Country/Track for four consecutive years. And in a lot of other physically demanding activities like Cheerleading, Show Choir, etc. I thought I was fat then...

I was wrong.

When I entered college, my weight fluctuated a lot.

I'd get into this habit:


Then I'd work out like crazy and cut way too many calories to get "skinny" again.


I was never truly happy with how I looked. I would think I was too big, then I'd think that I was "skinny enough" and start eating like crazy. It was vicious cycle.

When I married my husband in August of 2007, I had lost some weight from my job and exercising for the wedding. But as soon as we were married, I quickly put the weight back on.


On our first year anniversary, we found out that we would be expecting a baby that coming April. We were ecstatic! How did we celebrate?

Food.

I ballooned fast.


After Caitlin was born, I stayed out of photos as much as possible. I tried to lose weight, but I found out that I was pregnant again. I stopped dieting and by the time Rosalie was born, I weighed 220 lbs.

My heaviest.

Ever.

At my 5 year class reunion (which I almost didn't attend because of my weight...)
I decided it was time for a change. I started going to Zumba and I dropped 20 lbs fast. So fast that it only took me 8 weeks!

I was 8 weeks pregnant.

I had to stop working out because I had started bleeding with my baby at 16 weeks.

After Vivian was born, I had lost weight and dropped down to 185 lbs. I felt amazing! I was in a size 16 for the first time since BEFORE Caitlin was born!

It was going to be Winter soon, so I didn't work out as much. I'd attend Zumba every so often, but nothing that was producing any results.

Now that things are settling down with my three little ones, I've decided that enough is enough.

This weight gain journey has to stop.

I took my final "Before" photos on May 31st.

What I saw was shocking to me.



Who is this 202 lb person?

This person is not me.

And for the first time ever, I didn't cry.

I decided that I would take action instead.

June 1st marked the first day of the rest of my weight loss journeys.

This one will be my last.

I am changing my lifestyle. My exercise lifestyle. My eating lifestyle.

I want to be happy again. I want to LOVE myself again. I haven't loved myself in a long time. I'm unhappy and people can tell. I want to be healthy for my children and husband. I want to inspire my family. I want to inspire you.

I am going to need support and help. If you want to join in on your own weight loss journey, PLEASE DO! I am going to be keeping tabs on my progress as my journey progresses. My target weight is 135 lbs.

I need to lose 67 lbs.

No day but TODAY!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

And Life Goes On...

Things have been crazy around here since the tornado hit my town a week and a half ago. Doctor's appointments have been cancelled, Vivian's shots have been delayed, and more. But through it all, this town has come together and proved to the world that complete strangers can show love and support when times are hard.

I've put off posting about Easter, so I'll update everyone on what our girls did for Easter, then catch up with what we've been doing this month!

The Saturday before Easter, Caitlin and I colored eggs together! Rosalie is still to little to participate, but I'm looking forward to coloring eggs with her next year! I decided to make the color for the eggs this year. (check out the recipe on my craft blog here!) I let Caitlin color some eggs with crayons while I got the colors ready!

The face she made when my tea kettle started to whistle!
A while ago, I found an idea on Pinterest to use a whisk to dunk eggs into the color water. I thought I'd give Caity a chance to try it out and see if she liked it or not!


Turns out, she wanted to use spoons instead. She wanted to put the egg on the newspaper to dry and she couldn't get the egg out of the whisk on her own. So we took the old-fashion route and used spoons! The colors turned out FANTASTIC!


We were going to have a small hunt with them in our backyard, but we ended up getting too busy and by the time we got home, it was already time to get the girls ready for bed. But that was just fine! As soon as we got the girls to bed, we set out their Easter Baskets!


I loaded them up with the candy they asked for! Eggs filled with jelly beans, Peeps, Peeps Bunnies, Ring Pops, and some Easter straws! I set them on the table and had my camera ready to capture their faces the next morning!

Easter morning was a little different than usual. Rosalie got up before Caitlin. This NEVER happens. Usually Caity wakes up first, yells for me, and wakes Rosie up in the process. But this time, Rosie called for me quietly and I gave her her basket first!


Rosalie got to pick the basket she wanted! She took everything out of her basket and examined each candy filled egg while shouting, "EGGGGGGGG!" at the top of her lungs! I should have had the video camera ready instead!

Caity woke up almost and hour later, and to avoid Rosalie attacking Caity's basket, I had to put Caity's on a chair in the middle of the floor and corral Rosie behind me. But Caity didn't even notice her basket until I told her about! But when she found it, she shouted, "EGGGGGGGSSS!" Too funny!


We got the girls breakfast and dressed them in the Easter dresses Grandma A made for them! But in the picture below, Caitlin is wearing cousin Shelly's dress that Grandma made about 13 years ago! Caity's dress still needed a button on the back, so Grandma brought her dress to church!


When we got back from church, I put the girls down for nap and made colored deviled eggs and cupcakes for our family dinner that night! (Also on my craft blog!)


As soon as I was done making all those goodies, we loaded up the girls and went to Grandma's house for an Easter Egg hunt in her yard! The girls were WAY pumped! It was Rosie's very first egg hunt! My niece and nephews hid the eggs around the yard, but they hid the golden egg really well. Guess who found it!


And the GOLDEN Easter Egg was found by:



VIVIAN!!!!!!


It was hidden in the trampoline net so my hubby had to get it. He had Vivi in his hands, so she found it first! Vivian = WINNING! She even tried to eat it! She didn't let go of the egg for quite a while!


Vivian has been growing quite a bit this month! She's doing the same thing my other girls did. She'll be tired so I feed her, burp her, and try to rock her to sleep. But she won't... so then she gets BEYOND upset because she's so tired that I have to set her on the couch with her binky and walk away. When I come back to her once she's quieted down, these are a few examples of what I find:


The funniest photo I took was when I thought she was gassy, so I gave her some drops and laid her on the couch with her bink. She was calm, so I watched a movie. I looked over at her after a few minutes and this is what I saw:


I almost woke her up because I was laughing so hard! She used the dropper as her bink! She can fall asleep in the most random positions and places!

Another milestone for our baby this month was that she ate baby food for the first time! She owned an entire jar of applesauce and wanted more! Seems crazy that she'll be eating on her own soon enough!


A friend of mine had shoulder surgery this month and asked me to watch her two kiddos while she recoups. I agreed and her little girl and little boy are so great to watch! Caitlin has made a new best friend!


Her little guy is so, so stinking cute! He just loves on Vivian all day! And boy does he LOVE marshmallows!


Rosie (our Ninja) got her first birthday present in the mail! It arrived early, but I couldn't wait to give it to her! I found a cute site on Etsy called Twistyfishies. The lady behind the store is Kristie and she makes handmade Amigurumi, Kawaii Plush, and original art. She is TALENTED! And Rosalie LOVED her little pink Ninja!


We went to a friend's reception last Friday in Lenox. The girls had a blast getting ready for it. I asked Caity and Rosie to pick out their outfits and this is what they picked:


The girls had a blast at the reception, too! Fruit, juice, running around, and dancing! Oh, and last but not least, CAKE! Caity wanted to stay until they could have a piece of cake. We got home late, but both girls ate the entire piece of cake they got!

The next morning, Caitlin kept trying to climb on top of Vivian. I had to stop her each time. After the 100th attempt, I asked her, "Why do you keep doing that?!" She responded, "Let me show you!" So I let her climb on top of Vivian and Caity shouted, "SISTER SANDWICH!!!!" I lost it! I laughed so, SO hard! I told her to do it again for the camera and this is the shot I got:


Caitlin cracks me up! She's so, so funny! And she just adores her sisters! I'm still working on getting her to WANT to potty train. She has gone on the potty and will if I ask her, but most of the time, she just doesn't want to. I don't want to force her and make going to the potty some kind of punishment... but I'm running out of ideas. I've taken her every few hours for her to sit on the potty for 30 minutes and not go, put on her diaper, and finally go. We have tried putting her in just panties and that didn't work... we've tried rewards with no success, naked training with no success... She's over 3 years now. She knows the entire alphabet, she can count to 20, and more, but she just won't potty train. HELP! I need some ideas!

This past Sunday I switched the girls' clothes around since each one of them needed to bump up a size. It took me ALL. DAY. It was ridiculous! But I sorted through all their clothes and I now have a keep pile and a garage sale pile ready to go! In moving the girls up, I realize Rosalie and Vivian had some matching clothes! And boy did Rosalie love wearing the same thing as her baby sissy!


So now that we're caught up on the girls, I thought I'd give an update on Charles and I.  We've both been dealing with seasonal allergies and they are kicking our butts! It's made it hard to go to sleep at night and hard to wake up in the morning. So most of this month has been spent using up a ridiculous amount of tissues, eye drops, and orange juice. But we are getting better. 

We have also decided that we want to start losing weight together. We have said this before, but it is time. Time for a change. Time to start focusing on bettering our lives so that we can live to see our kids grow up. We have started eating less and walking more as a start, but once we get our allergies under control, we're going to start working out again. It's just kinda hard to work out when I can't breathe while sitting down!

I'm still having issues with my postpartum depression. I've tried weaning myself off of the pills only to find that I really should be taking them right now. And it sucks having to admit that I need them in order to not sit and cry all day, or move and be super angry all day. I hate the highs and lows. More the lows than the highs. I started have major anxiety/panic attacks. My pulse would race all day long. So even though I'm mentally ready to not be taking any pills, my body is saying, "NOT YET!" 

I look forward to the point in this journey when things will be better. I pray each night that tomorrow will be that day. I will know when it's here. I will know. And it will be GLORIOUS!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Happy March 2012!

A lot has happened since I last posted about the start of cloth diapering our girls. I've been going through a lot and it's been hard to put my feelings and emotions into words, let alone update our blog, my Facebook, my craft blog... But I needed to take some time to figure some things out. Before I start in on that, I want to wish my baby girl a Happy 5 Months! Vivian Rane has been with us 5 whole months! Seems crazy! Time has flown by! Here are her 5 month shots!



Caitlin had a hearing test on February 15th, and she failed both tests on both sides. I'm incredibly frustrated with the entire ordeal... Caity has failed every hearing test since she was over a year old. Generally it was because of an ear infection, but when the lady looked inside her ears this time, she said they were really red but clear of wax. I got Caity an appointment on the 17th and took her to see Dr. T. He looked inside her ears and said that they were completely full of wax. (can you see why I was so frustrated?!) Needless to say, he prescribed her some ear drops and we picked up her prescription on the way home.

She did very well when I put the drops in her ears! She stayed still for the drops and the draining!


Rosalie even pretended that she was getting drops! She's so funny!


We are taking Caitlin back in for another hearing test in a week or so. Hopefully she passes...

On February 20th I went to see my doctor for what Charles and I thought was postpartum depression. Turns out, that is exactly what was going on. I have postpartum depression. That was hard pill to swallow, so to speak. I think that in our day and age, people look down on women who have postpartum depression as a sign of weakness or wanting attention. It was hard for me to understand because I am so happy with my life. I have a wonderful husband, three gorgeous daughters, and wonderful support system... nothing is really "wrong" in my life. Why would I be so depressed?! Well, the one answer I got was: It's all chemical. Dr. T put me on an antidepressant/anti anxiety pill that is safe to take while I'm breastfeeding Vivian. I came home from my appointment in a better mood and with a better outlook.

I'm owning it. I have postpartum depression. It sucks. But I'm getting through it.

The little things in life that make me fell better are these things:

Caitlin's drawing of a spider with a belly button!
Vivian trying to eat her feet!
Rosalie's smile and laugh!
My wonderful, handsome hubby!
I have been trying to look on the positive side of things and find things to do that keep me happy. It's been tough... I'm not gonna lie. Some mornings I don't even want to get out of bed. But I know I will be greeting smiling little girls yelling, "Good morning MOMMY!" and that helps me! I think God knows that they keep me going and has allowed me to recognize the blessing in their little smiles!

On February 28th, Caitlin and I had a brand new experience together! She got her hair cut for the first time EVER in her life! I think I was more nervous than she was! As we were getting ready to go, I wanted a picture of her "before" hair and she was upset because she just wanted to go! As you can see here:


Once we got to Smart Style in our Walmart, she did very well while waiting for her turn! She was very excited to get into the chair and wear the "cape"!


Then things got started! She listened very carefully and did everything Nicole asked her to do!



She got about 1 1/2 inches cut! Before Nicole cut her bangs (which I REALLY wasn't too sure of... I HATE bangs), I got a picture! Here's her "Before" and "After" shots!

Before
After
She did so good that we decided to celebrate by taking her out to eat at A&G's Steakhouse! She got the chicken strip kids plate! She enjoyed it! So did Rosalie!



That brings us into MARCH! I've really got to get better about posting this stuff as it happens! Maybe someday I'll be better about it!

Vivian is rolling over! Although I haven't gotten a good picture of it! Her pictures are of her getting fussy after she rolls over! Like these:



The other good side to March finally being here is that our local Dairy Queen reopened after it's winter break! We celebrated that by taking the girls to get a cone! They really, really enjoyed it! Rosie dove right in while Caity took her time with a spoon!



March 2nd was a big day for Rosalie! It was the day she ran out of her disposable diapers and got to wear cloth for the first time! She LOVES the diapers!



Speaking of cloth diapers, I'll give you an update! Things are going really well! I've gotten into a rythm about it and it's working out very well! I wash the diapers right after the girls go down for the night and hang them up to dry before I go to bed. They are ready to go in the morning! We have to order 14 more diapers to keep up with all three girls needing them. 24 was barely working. We were able to get the "lovelace" design that we wanted with the first round of diapers, but cottonbabies.com was sold out of. We ordered them yesterday and they should be here by Thursday!

Caity is close to being potty trained, but we're still working on it.

Rosalie is now letting me do her hair! Up until now, she'd pull anything I put into her hair out. It was frustrating! But she's leaving her hair alone and I'm LOVING IT!


I went to the rerun shop on Saturday and found some great deals on Easter dresses for the girls! I bought a bunch of clothes for under $10! So I decided to put the girls in one of their Easter dresses for Church this past Sunday! Rosalie looked like a cute bubblegum machine and Caitlin looked like Alice in Wonderland!


Vivian is playing more and becoming more mobile! It's a lot of fun to watch her! But it's even cuter when she tuckers out on us!


I've been on my antidepressant for 2 weeks and I'm already feeling much better. Everyday is hit or miss, though. Some days are really good! And some are really bad. But I'm glad I have a wonderful husband to help me through it all. My family and friends have been wonderful to me and I couldn't thank them enough!

As of now, I'm planning Caitlin's 3rd birthday party! Beauty and the Beast theme! I'm pretty excited!